I am a freelancer in the publishing industry, so words are very important to me. I'm a leftist living in a world gone mad, so politics are very important to me. I'm an environmentalist living in a degrading world, so pick up your damn trash, get rid of your gas guzzlers, and don't touch ANWR, you self-absorbed capitalists!

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23 January 2007

Sharing the Snark

Yesterday I went to the gym. (You know, the whole “get my house in order” crap [you know you’ve moved on from the excited-about-this-idea phase when you start talking about your plans as “crap”].) I don’t enjoy going to the gym. I always feel old and out of shape.

Before anybody tries to smooth-talk me, let me remind you that I go to a university gym, so everybody there is at least 15 years younger than me, and buff, and perky, and … perky. So there. My gym is worse than your gym. (But it’s also cheaper; the spouse membership is $20 per semester for track, pool, weight room, exercise room, classes, etc.)

It took the staff a few minutes to get all the sign-up paraphernalia together, so I sat and read the university newspaper. Wow! Better than comics, I tell you. I laughed out loud several times, and I think the entry guardian (a student who sits there and checks your card as you zoom it by his face) figured I was a bit weird. I meant to take a copy home after I did my 20 minutes on an elliptical trainer (I’m starting out slow, you see), but I forgot.

I left a message on the Consort’s machine, asking him to bring a copy home (“There’s something in there I … need,” I told him. I was afraid if I told him I wanted to blog about it, he wouldn’t bring it home [school spirit and all that]).

I didn’t fool him, he knew there must be something in there that I wanted to make fun of. I’m sorry, but really, when you come across something like this, what else can you do but share the laughter?

(Note: This is from the Security Reports section. Remember that this is an urban campus, so kids do need to keep their eyes open and be alert. Also … hmm, how shall I say it … members of the general community can just walk into certain buildings. For instance, the offices of the security services…)

A female entered the security office and advised she was feeling ill … The female stated she was having abdominal pains … She then dropped her drawers and exposed her business to show the officer where her misery had been. After the officer became conscious and responsive of his surroundings as well as his ability to speak he asked her doctor’s name, but she did not know. Fire/Rescue arrived and appeared to recognize the individual immediately and asked her where she wanted to go. She advised them and was taken to a local hospital.

If anyone exposed their business to me to show me where THEIR misery had been, I think I’d faint, too!