Feets (And their Grossness)

The Consort shared a link in the Comments last night, on foot phobia (well, he shared two, but honestly, a lot of youtube is just crapola), and it was so hilarious, that I laughed out loud as I read it here in my local coffeeshop. In case you didn't visit, here are some choice parts:

Symptoms of foot phobia: breathlessness, dizziness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control, a sensation of detachment from reality or a full blown anxiety attack.

Mine is just disgust, but hey, I can see how being forced into the presence of feet would get one thinking about death. Except, well,
"To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause"...

...because what if heaven is FULL of FEET???!!!!

There is a Way Out: Imagine what your life will be like when you know that you are not "defective".

Defective? I'm not defective, all those foot people are the defective ones. Who you callin' defective? I hope the Imperatrixes in Training keep this in mind: The way they know I have loved them is that, throughout their childhood, I have trimmed their toenails. (Granted, sometimes their nails are a bit on the long side, but hey, I'M TRYING.)

Does It Work for Everyone?: In a word, no it doesn't. It's not perfect...A reason it may not work is that frankly some people are afraid to give up their foot phobia. Their identity is wrapped up in it. (Because they are NORMAL.) They have had their foot phobia so long that they don't know who they would be without it (Ummmm, weirdos?) ...Finally, some people just love to talk about their foot phobia. That's one reason why some people may spend years in talk therapy. They love to have someone who cares about them listen to their foot phobia problems. (Sounds to me like those people are foot fetishists; "A foot fetishist by any other name would smell as bad" -- you know.)

Foot phobia can severely disrupt normal life, interfering with school, work, or social relationships.

Last I heard, school was a no bare feet zone. As is the workplace, unless one works as a lifeguard or nurse. (Oh my GOD can you imagine having to wash the feet of the ill? eeeeeesh. It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. It would affect social relationships if you have a boyfriend who likes to play footsie. But if someone is into playing footsie, nothing good can come of that relationship. None. It's like having a boyfriend who sells crack. Just get out of the relationship, change your name, move out of your apartment, and make a fresh start somewhere else. With a NORMAL guy.

I guess the Consort is right, foot fetishists are my own private Taliban. I'm their George Bush. (But I definitely wouldn't have forgotten to write them into my 2002 budget, and I would have sent a large enough force to wipe them out, completely, rather than let them fester and grow strong in larger and larger pockets of the country.)