The Many In Me

3:30 a.m., go to the bathroom.
3:32 a.m., get back into bed.

Chitter chatter. Chitter chatter. Chitter chatter. Shhhhh, it’s time for sleep. You’ve got two projects you need to work on. I know, that’s the plan this week. Ooooh, what if they are overwhelming! They’re not, I’ve budgeted enough time for both of them. Chitter chatter.

[slumberous breathing, to the left.]

Check the clock. No, it’ll wake me up further. OK, then, we’ll check. Ooooh! It’s 3:50! Quiet! I need to get to sleep. Stop trying to stress me out.Have you renewed the US Fencing Association memberships for the girls? No, I haven’t. I’ll do it this week. Hurry hurry! What if it isn’t done by the competition this coming weekend? Trouble! Big trouble! No. I can hand in the renewal form on Saturday morning, if it comes to that. Trouble!

Big trouble!

[slumberous breathing, to the left.]

Now hush! I need to sleep. No! Chitter chatter. Chitter chatter chitt— Hey! You aren’t paying attention! I’m imagining a big dark space, just like I remember Bert suggesting on Sesame Street when I was a little girl. So I can fall asleep. Aha! You can blog about that.— Yeah, blog it! Blog it blog it blog it!!!!

[slumberous breathing, to the left.]

What?!!! See, we got your attention. So, what’re you going to tell your readers about it? Is that one of the skits you remember even now, 33 years later? Oh, good lord, … How will you bring it up? “I remember Sesame Street fondly…” —No! Talk about us first, then the Bert relaxation thing. Us! Us! We want to be faaaaaamous!

Just please settle down. I. Have. To. Get. To. Sleep!

[slumberous breathing, to the left.]

…He’s asleep. Yeah! Sure sounds deep asleep to us. Just listen to his breathing… Hiss—quiet! Innnnn and oooooooout. Innnnnnn and ooooooout. He’s soooooo deep asleep. You hear it, don’t you? Stop being so nasty. Just let me be!

[quiet.]

[Well, except for…]

[slumberous breathing, to the left.]

…Have you sent out the PTA membership materials, like you promised?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

PS: It’s now 5:12 a.m.! Heh heh heh.