IF-THEN Statements are Great, If They are Respected

Log for Spouse Unit Device version 1.2. Run-through 2006-07-13.22:37:47

Device Driver Rules. Buffered.
IF hands wet
THEN use hand towel
ELSE hands drip everywhere

IF dishes wet
THEN use dish towel
ELSE long time before snack

IF dog or cat wet
THEN use dog towel (old, holey towel in closet)
ELSE muddy mess in house

Run Device.

Error 236541: This device cannot find any free dog towel resources to boot.
Driver Command: Increase focus resolution. Make second search attempt.

Error 45: This device cannot find any free dog towel resources to use.
Driver Command: Increase focus resolution. Make third search attempt.

Error 000003: Device attention fragged.
Error 000078: Device registry may be corrupted.
Error 245669: Hand towel corrupted by wet cat.
Error 006732: This device is causing a resource conflict.
Error 435520: This device may be bad, or your system may be running low on memory or other resources.

Driver Response: No duh.

Driver Command: Abort hand towel usage.
Error 293768: Command unrecognized by device
Driver Command: Ctrl-Esc.
Driver Command: Ctrl-Esc.
Driver Command: Ctrl-Esc.